Note: This entry was originally written August 10, 2018...I never published it and I'm not sure what my reasoning was at that time. Nevertheless, my thoughts and sentiments have not changed, so I've decided to publish it. Enjoy...
This quote has always been among my favorites. Both for its brutal truth and beautiful simplicity. I've always felt that there is a tremendous amount of unnecessary pressure in relationships. Dates that resemble job interviews followed by social media mind games. The goal being to hold onto the relationship bliss long enough to then talk marriage to lock it down, so everyone can finally settle down. Why?
I often have difficulty wrapping my mind around marriage or "contractual love" as I like to call it. How can you possibly promise someone that you'll love them forever? What happens if you fall out of love? What if you become incompatible? The pursuit of happiness is an inherent right. I would much rather my partner find happiness with someone else rather than feeling trapped in misery with me. Love is a verb - an action, a daily decision. I can think of no greater act of love than to give someone the freedom to be happy even if it means that they find it elsewhere. That is true love.
"Don't expect loyalty from people who can't give you honesty."
Don't get me wrong, commitment and loyalty are expected and reciprocated in my relationships, but having the freedom to leave creates a perpetual dating environment that naturally breeds a deeper appreciation for one another. Think about it - if you know your partner can easily walk away whenever they want, you continue your effort to keep them and naturally cherish their presence because you know they are with you by choice, not requirement. Picture it: Birds in a cage with an open door. Unfortunately, a relationship like this requires a considerable amount of honesty and openness - and really good communication. That is where people shy away - that is where the challenge lies.
"Don't expect loyalty from people who can't give you honesty."
I've been told repeatedly that I'm a rare breed - an old soul that holds honesty and integrity to the highest of standards and often to a fault. I've found that most people are unable to co-exist with such a level of truth. Does this mean that I never lie? That I never make mistakes? Of course not - I'm just as flawed as everyone else! However, what it does mean is that I value honesty so much that it seems to dwarf everything else. Truth goes a long way with me...even if it causes me pain.
Perhaps my thirst for truth is the direct result of being lied to so much over the years. I've found that everyone has their demons and there's no shame in that...but I would much rather know them, than have them hidden from me. To me, discovering a lie is like realizing that you've been living in an illusion which inevitably fills me with self-doubt, sadness, and feeling foolish. I just can't stand it. There's absolutely no reason to lie to me. I'm far too understanding and forgiving. But alas, I have found it increasingly more difficult to find someone who shares this same sentiment...and that's heart-breaking for me. All I've ever wanted was an open, honest connection with someone. No illusions. No false promises. Just real. The older I get, the more scared I become that I won't find that. And honestly, if I can't have that, then I would rather be alone.
This is a double-edged sword for me because being alone sucks. For someone like me, solitude is like cruel and unusual punishment - I need connection like I need air.
Perhaps my thirst for truth is the direct result of being lied to so much over the years. I've found that everyone has their demons and there's no shame in that...but I would much rather know them, than have them hidden from me. To me, discovering a lie is like realizing that you've been living in an illusion which inevitably fills me with self-doubt, sadness, and feeling foolish. I just can't stand it. There's absolutely no reason to lie to me. I'm far too understanding and forgiving. But alas, I have found it increasingly more difficult to find someone who shares this same sentiment...and that's heart-breaking for me. All I've ever wanted was an open, honest connection with someone. No illusions. No false promises. Just real. The older I get, the more scared I become that I won't find that. And honestly, if I can't have that, then I would rather be alone.
This is a double-edged sword for me because being alone sucks. For someone like me, solitude is like cruel and unusual punishment - I need connection like I need air.
I've always been told that I'm an intense person...a hard pill to swallow. I feel everything so deeply. When I'm sad, it's despair. When I'm angry, it's rage. When I'm happy, it's complete bliss. I get it. I'm hard to handle. Sorry to say, I don't know how to be any other way. I always believed that someday someone would be able to match my depth of passion and my need for honesty. Yet, here I am, still waiting...
-K8
-K8
