Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right...

It's become increasingly irritating how divisive our country has gotten. Am I alone here? The vast majority of us used to congregate in the "middle" - some would lean one way or the other a bit, but it was just enough to keep a healthy balance of perspective. There were always die-hard whack-jobs on the extremes, they may have been loud, but they were a minority - nothing more than a reminder to those in the middle that it was the right place to be. And now? Those whack-jobs have gotten louder and have been getting more attention (thanks social media) and they have been pulling support from the middle. They've drawn a big, fat line down the middle and have created a toxic environment where you have to choose a side...or else. Cancelled. Labeled. Generalized. If you're not with us, you're against us. If you don't support this, you're that.

It's as if we can't have opinions anymore. Should we be brave enough to try to share a perspective, SOMEONE will take issue with it and try to destroy it. Every preference argued, every point-of-view scrutinized. We used to be able to have a mind to change. Now, you must not only be sure of your stance, but no matter what, your stance will most assuredly place you in opposition of a population that will consider you an enemy. The middle used to be a place of collaboration and conversation. Some might change their mind, while others would not - which was fine...agree to disagree used to be an accepted result. Now? There are clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right and in the middle they see minds to be shrunk and mouths to be silenced.

Personally, I don't see how this toxic framework is sustainable. My only hope is that those that were previously in the middle who were forced to gravitate to the extremes, will find themselves fed up and find their way back...and bring their voice with them. I hope this stretch to the extremes works like a rubber band and snaps back into place after being pulled too far. But how far can we stretch? Or will the rubber band just break? Scary thought.

It is possible to have an opinion without an adversary. A perspective without an agenda. A belief without a prejudice. Why have so many forgotten this? Thoughts and feelings aren't finite and are meant to change with the tides of life. Why do people feel the need to draw lines in the sand? The waves of knowledge and experience are meant to wash onto the shore and change the landscape...naturally and effortlessly. We should be learning from history, not erasing it. We should be exchanging perpectives, not silencing them. We should be living life, not fearing it.

I sincerely hope that more eyes will open and the mass evacuation from the middle will be reversed. A divided culture is a weak culture. A weak culture is easily manipulated and dominated. Our country was founded on principals of freedom, yet freedom seems to be having supply chain issues. I know I'm not crazy for remaining in the middle, but it is getting awfully lonely here. I'm waiting for my fellow free-thinkers to find their way back. Until then, here I am, stuck in the middle with...my faith in humanity.

K8

Show me the way to go home...

This one is going to be a little different...brace yourself - my emotions will be showing.

We often broadcast our wants and needs of a relationship for public consumption as if we are all open books, but somewhere, in the liner notes, there are pieces of information kept behind the veil. Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. Yet, for many, it always seems out of their grasp and they always want to understand why. That is the ultimate question, isn't it?

Why?

Why do we find ourselves in strange places in our lives that we don't understand how we arrived there? How does it happen? It surely doesn't happen overnight - we evolve to those places over time, yet it's funny how we can't pinpoint the exact decisions that led us there. If we can't understand how we got there - how can we ever figure out which decisions will show us the way out? How do you navigate without a map? I feel like I'm blindly navigating my life - bumping into experiences here and there as I fumble around trying to locate my "destiny". What is my purpose? What am I meant to be doing? Who am I meant to be navigating life with? Where is my home? Home. My most cherished location is not just a physical place, it is much more complex to me - it is where my soul feels at peace...and sadly, I've been homeless most of my life.

As an extremely passionate person. I have a depth to me that few have seen and even fewer "get". If I'm being honest, it is an extremely lonely existence. And yes, it is possible to be lonely while in a relationship...I know it all too well. To be fair, it doesn't equate to a loveless relationship, it just means (for me) that it bobs contently on the surface, rather than cementing itself deep within the core of me. Deep right? (bad joke)

I feel so misunderstood at times. I feel as though my thoughts, feelings, and emotions are just "too much" for most people. Too much. I've heard that phrase in my life more than I care to admit. But its polar opposite? Not enough. Now, I've NEVER heard those words in my life. The irony? I have always felt...not enough. I've always felt there was some aspect of me that was, for the lack of a better term, a turn-off. Not pretty enough, not funny enough, not skinny enough, whatever...just not enough.

We have all heard the saying that the heart wants what it can't have, but in my case, my heart wants what it's never had. I dream of just being who I am and someone simply loving me for it. All of it. Not only truly loving my unique compilation of flaws, but truly understanding them so they "get" me. All of me. Not just my fun-loving surface, but also my deeply passionate and emotional soul.

According to Meyers-Briggs (or whoever), I have the rarest personality type in the world and I'm not so sure that's a good thing. Again, to me, that spells out a lonely and misunderstood existence which does little to boost my emotional morale at the moment. I know better than to give online personality tests too much significance, but in this case, to mention it was fitting.

To sum it up, I feel lost, lonely, listless. I want nothing more than to find myself where I belong, to find my home. The safe space for my soul to finally have peace - where it is understood and cherished. Otherwise, it seems such a waste to have the capacity to love so deeply, yet never be able to properly do so with reciprocity. The universe really does have a sick sense of humor.

Until next time...

K8

Social Media Madness

I'm proud to be in the not-so-silent minority when it comes to social media. Fun fact about K8? She hates social media...with a passion. Why? Pull up a chair.

Before I start my seemingly unending rant on the revolting erosion of humanity that social media has unleashed on our already fragile society, let me go ahead and concede the positive impact it has had. 

Connectedness. People are able to easily stay connected to those that live far away or rarely see for one reason or another. It provides a platform to share pictures and life events with ease - alleviating the need to send 20 different emails or (God-forbid) a large group text message. People have also been able to locate lost loved ones/pets, network for career opportunities, and cast a wider fundraising net. 

There are undoubtedly positive aspects to this technology, but much like any medication that promises to cure what ails you - there is always a cost with laundry list of side effects.

Personally, I don't feel like it ever helped me feel connected. In fact, all I saw was a pervasive illusion of self-importance that carried with it an undertow of divisiveness. Are we honestly any more "connected" than we were before? I don't believe so. In fact, I think it's quite the opposite. Let me briefly divert this to a comparable concept...

People used to talk on the phone before, remember that? Why do you think that is rare these days? Let me guess, you're about to spew rehearsed responses such as: 

"I'm too busy for calls" -- no you're not. People are no busier now then they were previously when calling was the "way of the world"...there is now just an alternate option which puts the choice in your hands and you CHOOSE not to converse live. You know why most people shy away from this? Because you can't fake a phone call (at least not easily). Texting gives you the ability to think (and re-think) your words before they are received. I would argue that on a phone call, people are more "true to themselves" as they don't have time to construct an alternate (perhaps more appealing) way to be perceived. By texting, we can be wittier and wiser simply by just having the time to rehearse our words.

"Texting is more convenient" -- Is it really? Think about it. How long does it take you to have a full conversation between you and another person? After you take into account the time it takes to go back and forth and folding in the instances where someone gets side-tracked with another text message interjecting or some other distraction that takes them away from the focus of your typed conversation - it can be hours...or days! With a couple of exceptions notwithstanding, I usually have a threshold floating in the back of my mind that if we go back-and-forth "X" number of times, I'm just going to call them, because this can easily be settled with a 5 min phone call. Work smart, not hard, right?

The reality is that text messaging has just given us the ability to better "control" the interactions that we have and "control" the way our communications are received, better than before. The control is an illusion and the result is a fraudulent version of ourselves.

Now, let's circle back to social media and apply the same principle - it works the same way. We are not "too busy" to interact personally and it's really not "more convenient" - we just find the social media option more appealing because it allows us to paint a picture for others that we want them to see, a picture we'd rather see.

All social media has really done is made it possible to broadcast our lives to a wider audience in hope of locating validation in one form or another. For example, the picture I posted of myself is not really beautiful unless I see that others have stamped it with their "emojis of approval" - which we subconsciously hope reaches a certain threshold...where it is "liked" enough to remain posted as a beacon of perceived reality. This is a lie. And people eat it for breakfast. It distorts reality so much so that we find ourselves wrapped up in the comparison of these false realities...we compare ourselves to the point where we lose happiness in our real lives. I can think of nothing more tragic than an individual feeling less than simply because of the skillful representation of others being more than. We all would appear "more than" if we displayed ourselves and our lives through the lens of a flattering filter. 

Many reasons drove my decision to "delete my accounts", my top 5 being:

1. I hate fake. I'm into the real deal. I accept people's flaws and see them as their uniqueness, that wonderful thing that differentiates them from another. Individuality is beautiful. Seeing people how they truly are (good and bad) is the only way to truly know someone.

2. I prefer sincerity. A natural side effect of being absent from social media is being out of sight, out of mind. Since I am not broadcasting my life, I am not "on the radar", so to speak, so I hear from people less. This can feel isolating at times, but I find solace in knowing that when I do hear from someone it is because they thought of me, unprompted. It means their reason for contact was genuine and I love that.

3. I am sincere. My previous point also works in reverse. I don't have social media to prompt me nor am I fed reminders of birthdays. I reach out to people to wish them a Happy Birthday on my own accord. I reach out to people when they cross my mind because I feel those moments happen for a reason...and I believe in the importance of acting on it. I like to think that those in my life see that and appreciate it, as I'm sure it's rare.

4. There's too much negativity being spread on platforms on Facebook. Everyone posts their opinions and then there is always someone eager to contradict it - neither tends to be respectful or kind. People have come to value their own opinions so strongly, that they have forgotten that they are in fact, opinions. Opinions can be, and should be, changed when appropriate, but people seem to have difficulty admitting fault these days...such dangerous behavior.

5. Social media is a lucrative, (and in my opinion unethical) business. The apps are free, the access is free, and the content is free...why? Because in exchange for this service being free, people are offering up their personal data to be ingested, analyzed, packaged, and sold for profit. There is a saying: "If you aren't paying for the product, you ARE the product." Why is that a problem? Your data is an extension of your privacy and by willingly giving that a way you are essentially giving unrestricted access to yourself. For example, you might find it convenient (or uncanny) that mountain bike ads start showing up on your feed after doing some light research on mountain bikes the day before making it easier to buy the mountain bike you were interested in. This makes mountain bike companies happy because they can reach a potential consumer that they otherwise would never have known existed. And you? You get a mountain bike - yay!  What about the other side to that coin? After weeks/months/years of aggregating your trends, opinions, and other key data points, your world becomes smaller. When you type in Google "Why is..." you start to get different suggested endings that differ from someone else typing in that same information. They have determined "who you are" and therefore have altered your access to what is believed to be "in your best interest". This is dangerous because this type of filtering is exactly what alters reality...just like filters on a photo. They make you see what they want you to see.

Okay so when I say "they" I don't want you to get all clammed up thinking I'm a tin-foil-hat-wearing conspiracy theorist. I'm not. I say "they" as a generalized term to mean that "they" are whoever is ingesting and utilizing the data, which is presumably anyone who pays for it. This is a real thing and is a well-known fact. People pay to have access to personal data for marketing purposes as well as targeting purposes. To me, it is a slippery slope and I try to do what I can to avoid contributing to it. This is the world we live in now where technology reigns supreme. The revolutionist in me wants to stage a coup...

 

Who's with me? 

 

K8

 

The Birdcage

Note: This entry was originally written August 10, 2018...I never published it and I'm not sure what my reasoning was at that time. Nevertheless, my thoughts and sentiments have not changed, so I've decided to publish it. Enjoy...

This quote has always been among my favorites. Both for its brutal truth and beautiful simplicity. I've always felt that there is a tremendous amount of unnecessary pressure in relationships. Dates that resemble job interviews followed by social media mind games. The goal being to hold onto the relationship bliss long enough to then talk marriage to lock it down, so everyone can finally settle down. Why?

I often have difficulty wrapping my mind around marriage or "contractual love" as I like to call it. How can you possibly promise someone that you'll love them forever? What happens if you fall out of love? What if you become incompatible? The pursuit of happiness is an inherent right. I would much rather my partner find happiness with someone else rather than feeling trapped in misery with me. Love is a verb - an action, a daily decision. I can think of no greater act of love than to give someone the freedom to be happy even if it means that they find it elsewhere. That is true love. 

Don't get me wrong, commitment and loyalty are expected and reciprocated in my relationships, but having the freedom to leave creates a perpetual dating environment that naturally breeds a deeper appreciation for one another. Think about it - if you know your partner can easily walk away whenever they want, you continue your effort to keep them and naturally cherish their presence because you know they are with you by choice, not requirement. Picture it: Birds in a cage with an open door. Unfortunately, a relationship like this requires a considerable amount of honesty and openness - and really good communication. That is where people shy away - that is where the challenge lies.

"Don't expect loyalty from people who can't give you honesty."

I've been told repeatedly that I'm a rare breed - an old soul that holds honesty and integrity to the highest of standards and often to a fault. I've found that most people are unable to co-exist with such a level of truth. Does this mean that I never lie? That I never make mistakes? Of course not - I'm just as flawed as everyone else! However, what it does mean is that I value honesty so much that it seems to dwarf everything else. Truth goes a long way with me...even if it causes me pain.



Perhaps my thirst for truth is the direct result of being lied to so much over the years. I've found that everyone has their demons and there's no shame in that...but I would much rather know them, than have them hidden from me. To me, discovering a lie is like realizing that you've been living in an illusion which inevitably fills me with self-doubt, sadness, and feeling foolish. I just can't stand it. There's absolutely no reason to lie to me. I'm far too understanding and forgiving. But alas, I have found it increasingly more difficult to find someone who shares this same sentiment...and that's heart-breaking for me. All I've ever wanted was an open, honest connection with someone. No illusions. No false promises. Just real. The older I get, the more scared I become that I won't find that. And honestly, if I can't have that, then I would rather be alone.



This is a double-edged sword for me because being alone sucks. For someone like me, solitude is like cruel and unusual punishment - I need connection like I need air. 

I've always been told that I'm an intense person...a hard pill to swallow. I feel everything so deeply. When I'm sad, it's despair. When I'm angry, it's rage. When I'm happy, it's complete bliss. I get it. I'm hard to handle. Sorry to say, I don't know how to be any other way. I always believed that someday someone would be able to match my depth of passion and my need for honesty. Yet, here I am, still waiting...

-K8

And the plot sickens...

Well, everyone else is talking about it, so I may as well throw in my two cents...

Has everyone lost their damn mind?

Protests, terrorism, race wars...as a self-proclaimed "history buff", I find myself delirious with déjà vu. These battles have already been fought and paid for. I'm perplexed as to how and why they are rearing their ugly heads once again in a different place and time. Are we doomed to keep repeating our own history? Has our progress been nothing but a seductive illusion?

Everyone seems to feel the need to draw hard lines. Us vs. Them. You vs. Me.

So divisive our society has become - and to what end? None of these lines drawn in the sand have made anything better, only worse. Focusing on our differences while deliberately ignoring our commonalities is fueling a fire that will most assuredly burn our nation to the ground.

I have always thought that the difference of opinion is what creates the petri dish of progress; where ingenuity is born. However, recent events have spurred a dynamic that can only be described as pure lunacy. The stability of our nation (due to its size and status) is reliant on our ability to embrace our differences and stay the course. "United we stand, divided we fall".

People need to open their eyes, shut their mouths, and check their egos at the door. There is no winning a battle of witlessness. These cataclysmic clashes occurring on our main stage are only highlighting our weaknesses. People think they are fighting the good fight to be heard, however, they are only drawing attention to the gaping wounds in our society that will only grow septic with time. It's time to dress our wounds and move forward - enough with the petty jabs for the sheer sake of "principle".

This has got to be the most misguided generation to ever take the reins of this country. Albeit it's my generation, but it's one that I never truly felt a part of. I have an old soul that forever feels out of place. I appreciate simpler times and simpler things. I can't connect with a generation that is constantly glued to their phones as their main means of "connection" to other human beings. Their passive-aggressive nature and inability to withstand even the mildest of confrontation or criticism is nauseating to me. Why is everyone so easily offended? Have we lost our ability to simply shrug off the haters and keep walking? Why must every sour experience turn into a public stand-off?

The insurgence of social media is undoubtedly the main catalyst for this change. It creates a forum where everything is news and everyone has carte blanche to give their opinion. As of February of this year, Facebook reported having over 1.86 billion active users - that's an insane number of opinionated individuals (most of which have hair-trigger tempers), all instantly connected by a click of a button. What a powder keg.

This would be a terribly long post if I were to dive into each issue currently overwhelming the headlines, so I think it best to table that temptation for another day. In short, I just wish people would just snap out of it. Stop making assumptions, unfair generalizations, and drawing baseless conclusions. Entertaining this kind of madness is like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.

K.

Check your individuality at the door.

I'm a nerd. I'm a jock. I'm a stoner.

I'm a Republican. I'm a Democrat. I'm a Libertarian.

I'm an Atheist. I'm a Christian. I'm a Buddhist.

I'm gay. I'm straight. I'm polyamorous cisgender pansexual.

Labels, labels, labels. For as long as I can remember, there have always been labels lurking about and limiting self-expression. Labels may assist with the sense of community which creates a home of acceptance, but I also find them to be equally problematic. It seems to me that once you have placed a label on yourself, you are then held to the defining standards of said label. If your a straight, Republican, Christian, jock - then your identity has already been painted onto the canvas before you can even make one brushstroke. Your identity has been abbreviated into bite-size portions that people can digest more easily. People think they have the answer before even hearing the question.

We are individuals. Do we have commonalities? Of course. But like our fingerprints, we are undeniably unique. I find this to be the most intriguing fact about the human race - so much beautiful diversity.

Can't people just be who they are without limitations and boundaries? Like what they like, love who they love, and believe in what they believe in, without the typecasting?

Change is inevitable - evolution and adaptability is key to survival. How can a society evolve and adapt to their changing environment if it is insistent on keeping itself contained in conveniently labeled boxes? How does anyone ever really get to know someone?

Challenge: Try to get to know people on a real level - no assumptions, no labels. 

K.

Times they are a-changin'...

I stumbled back upon this blog that had drifted into oblivion over 4 years ago and I realized as I "thumbed through the pages" how much I missed it. I think it's time to start writing again.

A lot has changed over the past 4 years. I often find myself looking back from my current circumstances and find it perplexing how I got here. Ever been driving your car and suddenly you have arrived at your destination without any recollection of your journey? Same feeling - eerie and unsettling.

I don't like my current circumstances and I feel as though I have limited means of changing them...at least for now. To be honest, I'm at a loss as to where to start - a classic chicken/egg conundrum. New job? New housing? What if you need a new job in order to afford new housing? All of these questions further complicated by having a 3-year old to consider and provide for. I want a better life for us both, but the current outlook looks bleak at best. I just keep telling myself that the only constant in life is change, so if I give it some time, I will soon face a new reality. It's an unwritten rule of the universe.

I have resolved to set my focus on my attitude. I have been miserable for longer than I care to admit and despite my best efforts (and fake smiles), it has shown through. My world has caught on and my bluff has been called. It's time to face the music. Once the light has revealed a problem, there's no sense in trying to re-cloak it in darkness - you can't un-ring a bell. That being said, I'm doing what I can to find my smile again.

I sincerely think writing will help. I've always found solace in the written word and it has always been the best form of communication for me. I can choose each word with precise purpose to ensure that my thoughts and feelings are communicated clearly. It's therapeutic and soul-soothing.

And just like that, a blog is re-born.

Stay tuned...

K.

Pennies and sense?

It would be nice if we could put some aspects of our lives in reverse. We all get so caught up in the "rat race" that we forget what is most important and tend to blur the line between right and wrong. For what? For the sake of making life easier? Last time I checked, the easiest path is not always the right one.

For the most part, I think we need to re-evaluate our values - why is that we avoid mom & pop shops for the sole purpose of "catching a deal" at a mega-mart. Who are we helping? Who are we hurting? And more importantly...why don't ever seem to stop to ask those questions?

I understand in these tough times that we all need to be money conscious, but I can't help but place at least some of the blame for our current predicament on ourselves.WE let things get this way. You can blame politicians all you want, but it is OUR votes that keep them in office. You can blame the economic downturn on a cyclical roller coaster, but the reality is that is OUR job to keep our financial stability in check. Where is the money going? Could our money be better managed? By whom?

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of the government assuming that we can't be bothered with details. We have a right to know where our tax money goes and telling us that is "over our heads" or "it's being handled by those better qualified" is not an acceptable response.

Unfortunately, we have a handicap. We have a lot of people in our society who are more than happy to let them drive while they soak up whatever handouts they can. This is a huge problem. We don't stand a chance if we don't hold ourselves accountable. It's completely natural to want to accept something for free to make life easier, but as I previously stated, easy doesn't equal right. Perhaps there's nothing we can do to prevent inevitable free-loaders, but I think a little inspiration and social pressure goes a long way. We should make it known that we expect more of our citizens if we want our society to continue to grow and thrive. I can't say that I'm shocked that the rich get richer while the poor get poorer because the middle-class has completely given up the fight. It seems as though the middle class has resolved to just look out for "number 1" and eek through life. How is anything supposed to change with that kind of attitude? Is the bare minimum what we now strive for?

I value hard-workers. There are people out there that take the hard road because it's the right thing to do and that's all the reason they need to push forward. They struggle, but don't expect anyone else to pull their weight. They suffer for the sake of their integrity.

Farmers are a perfect example of this. To me, they represent a simpler time when our nation had it's head on straight. There was no harm in moving forward, as long as you didn't forget where you came from. They work so hard and with so little reward. Many of them struggle to put the food they grow on their own table people because the McMansion family down the street would rather pay for convenience than quality. They'd rather by-pass the local farmer's market that has been in operation for over 50 years to shop at the MegaMart that chemically treats it's produce so it can make the trip from other countries...just to save a couple dollars.

I try to shop responsibly, but I'd be lying if I said that I try my hardest. There's always room for improvement. It's discouraging to know that I'm only one person and my effort probably won't even register on the proverbial P&L report, but my hope in posting this is that I might inspire others to do the same. Shouldn't we all think before we spend?

K.

Pro-decency

A couple of weeks ago I participated in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure. As the Philanthropy Chair of my sorority's alumni association, I recruited a team and we raised as much money as we could. Our team raised a total of $825 - which was $140 more than we raised last year. I was extremely proud as it is very difficult to raise funds for a cause during tough economic times - everyone was very generous and that meant a lot to me.

So the day of the race came...our team didn't "race", we just participated in the "Family Fun Walk/5K" portion. As we worked our way up to the starting line, I was confronted by the following horrific images...

*Be advised the images below are disturbing and disgusting*

  

Those were just the ones that I was able to locate online. Believe me there were many more graphic depictions plastered on signs and they were BIG...like as big as a person.

I stopped dead in my tracks and looked over at the protesters and the awful signs they were holding with pride - I couldn't stop myself from blurting out "OH MY GOD! Are those people fucking serious?!". I couldn't believe they had the audacity to stand there and preach "family values" while simultaneously imposing these grotesque and horrific images on the thousands of children in attendance!

I don't care if you are pro-life or pro-choice - all I'm saying is that if anyone is going to exercise their right of free speech and assembly, they really should take more care in the manner in which they choose to do it.

Make no mistake - I am a FIRM believer in the freedom of speech, however, I feel it is important to stress the need for social responsibility. What if you were there with your kids and they saw these images -would you mind? How would you explain this complicated issue to a child? Even if you could explain it, do you think the graphic images are appropriate for a child's eyes?

I know how passionate people are about this heated debate and understandably so. Being a person who also likes to "rock the boat", I completely understand the desire people have to stir the pot to get people's attention. But in my opinion, the Family Fun Walk to benefit Breast Cancer was not an appropriate time or the place for that kind of demonstration. This is an issue ABOUT kids, not an issue FOR kids.

So where do I stand on the issue?
I'm personally Pro-Life: I don't think I could bring myself to terminate my pregnancy under any circumstances, even if my life was in danger. To me, a baby is one of the few miracles in life and I would never want to interfere with that. My opinion is purely my own and is never imposed on others.
I'm legislatively Pro-Choice/Anti-Government funding: Our government has no business telling ANYONE what they can and/or can't do with their bodies. Period. In addition, I believe that our government has no business funding either side of an issue of this kind.
I'm socially Pro-Education: I believe that educating people on BOTH sides of any given issue is the only way people can make an informed decision. The focus should be on providing resources to help facilitate that education and allowing the individual to make up their own mind.

And most importantly...

I'm Pro-Decency: No matter what your stance is on an issue, as a member of society it is in your best interest to take your audience into consideration before addressing an issue publicly. Do you have the right to speak your mind? Absolutely! But keep in mind that you are likely to do more harm than good for your cause by making your target audience uncomfortable.

Just a thought.

K8

Mid-life...psychosis.

One of my co-workers told me today that her husband of over 18 years packed up and walked out on her this past Friday. As I listened to her describe the turn of events over the past few days I found myself rolling my eyes at the realization that he must be at "that age" and suffering from a mid-life crisis. My heart breaks for her as she is powerlessly watching her life partner recklessly navigate through this ordeal, making irrational decisions and breaking hearts. Although their kids are over 18, that hardly means they won't be impacted by this. Speaking from experience, a girl watching her father pack up and move out leaves a lasting impression, regardless of the circumstances. Period.

I understand that getting older is difficult for many and is often full of uncertainty, but I think that the irony is that it is often the rash decisions that are made during "that time" that create the "crisis".

Think about it. The anxiety about being too young to be old and being too old to be young is simply an emotion - it's the decisions made by those who suffer from that age-related anxiety that is usually the culprit of crisis.

For example, (behold the classic stereotype) a 50 something married man buys hot rod. He does this to cling to his youth as he is now suddenly aware of his limited time on Earth. He faces the reality that his life is half over and he decides he is going to make changes to make himself happy in his remaining years. Result? He makes an outrageously expensive impulse buy for completely selfish reasons that sends him (and his spouse) into serious debt.

Perhaps it isn't fair to pick on middle-aged sports car enthusiasts, but the point is that this is clearly a powerful emotion that often results in serious (and sometimes irreversible) consequences. The thought that haunts me is that someday my husband of 20 years is going to come home with a bank-breaking purchase or worse yet, NOT come home because he's decided that he would rather be single and live his life to the fullest.

I can't imagine that going through a life transition of this magnitude would be easy for anyone, but I can't seem to bend my mind around how quickly people will through the baby out with the bath water. No stopping to think, no consideration for counseling, and no discussion with their spouse. They simply uproot their entire life (with little or no regard to the impact it will have on others) all in the name of "I'm just not happy with my life and it's half over now".



The quote above is definitely one of my favorites - I think we all forget how lucky we really are to wake up in the morning and have one more day. It's easy to forget that each breath is not guaranteed and that someone somewhere has it harder than we do. I think we should all strive to keep our lives in constant check to ensure that we are living the life we want - a life we are proud of. That way, when people reach this point in their life, they can embrace it as an opportunity for growth as opposed to an opportunity for change. This would better enable them to avert the fears of imminent death and unaccomplished goals and as a result, lessen the occurrence of panic and irrational decisions.

Is this an over-simplified and idealistic lifestyle? Of course - but I think it's worth aiming for.

K8

Cat got your conscience?

Philadelphia man faces charges after police discover video of kittens being tossed

I came across this appalling article today and as if the article wasn't bad enough, the video footage of this disturbed future offender is downright disgusting.

Anyone who knows me probably knows how much I despise people who neglect or abuse animals, but sometimes it surprises me how upset I really get. What people don't seem to get, is that catching and punishing animal abusers, is usually the first opportunity to identify a potential threat to society!

"Many known serial killers began their careers by hurting pet animals," warn the authors of a 2004 article in one veterinary journal. "It is well known in the criminology field that people who perpetrate acts of cruelty on animals, frequently escalate to torturing humans, usually the young and helpless."

I couldn't agree more - anyone who would maliciously or neglectfully harm a defenseless animal, is certainly capable (if not predisposed) to harming a defenseless human.

That being said, I find it utterly unbelievable that when these future bat-shit crazy abusers rarely see the inside of the courtroom, they are usually met with a meager fine and community service. In the most severe cases, jail time has been imposed...but it rarely exceeds 2 years. It makes no sense to me at all!

When this psycho kitty killer finishes with his slap on the wrist, I'm sure he will move on to bigger "prey" and then everyone will be like "we didn't see this coming - how tragic!"

What's tragic is our legal system and the inability of "Lady Justice" to shove that sword of hers up the asses of these future rapists, pedophiles, and serial killers...just to be on the safe side.

All I can say is I'd bet my bottom dollar that the stupid kid in the video will eventually end up in prison someday. And when that day comes - I hope he gets the shit kicked out of him so he knows what it feels like to be a defenseless victim with nowhere to run.

Happy incarceration - asshole.

K8

Just a little perspective...

So, think twice before bitching...if you can.

K8

Ketchup on hot dog = G+3x(bang #57)+45°angle

Okay so I lied. I know I promised to pick another controversial issue as my next topic, but I simply couldn't resist...

Do you know what MIT's latest accomplishment was?

"A team of engineers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has invented a bottle coating ("LiquiGlide") that makes ketchup pour as easily as milk. They say it could save 1 million tons of perfectly good but inaccessible ketchup and other food from being thrown out each year — not to mention saving untold hours spent in frustration."

For those of you that may be exclaiming "that's awesome!" or "wow- it's about time someone solved that!" -I feel compelled to remind you that MIT houses the most prestigious collection of intelligent individuals in the fields of advanced science and technology. And what are they spending their time with? The paradox of ketchup de-bottling.

Do they deserve applause? Absolutely! I just found it hilarious that of all the global problems to choose from, the best and the brightest would concern themselves with how to eliminate the frustration of being unable to remove a condiment from its container.

Nevertheless, I think we can all be thankful to the team of engineers who took on this troublesome task to make our lives easier. I'm sure that those of us who routinely accompany ketchup with our hot dogs, fries, and cheeseburgers are extremely eager to see this new bottle design hit the grocery store shelves.

Next time you find yourself fussing with a ketchup bottle, rest easy knowing that the days of incessantly banging the #57 on your ketchup bottle...as you shake gently...at a 45° angle...will soon be a thing of the past.

Happy Heinz-ing!

K8

Who's party line is it anyway?

I was recently part of a politically-charged discussion where a multitude of topics were covered, but I thought it might be fun to share what they learned about me...

I am registered as a Republican for 2 reasons:
1. I want to be able to vote in the primaries - the State of Maryland doesn't currently offer open primaries, but if that were to ever change, I would promptly become "Unaffiliated".
2. From my perspective, most political issues boil down to a matter of money. I firmly believe that our government shouldn't be spending money they don't have, so therefore I tend to fall on the conservative side of most fiscal matters - this was the only driving force behind my decision to register as a Republican over a Democrat.

However this does not mean:
1. The Republican Party can "count on my vote" - they do not have my allegiance or support. I vote on the person, not the party.
2. I support a two-party system. I am a huge advocate for open primaries and open elections. You should be able to vote for whoever you think is the best candidate for the position, regardless of political affiliation, lobbyist backing, etc.
3. You can make assumptions on my political views. To me, sticking to party lines is like stating your answer before you've heard the question - it's foolish and insulting to human intelligence. We have the ability to question and reason, yet people seem to forfeit those abilities in order to "belong" to a group mindset. They say "I'm a Republican" or "I'm a Democrat" as if to say "therefore you automatically know where I stand on the key issues".

In addition to my disdain for party politics, they also learned that:
1. I strongly support the implementation of term limits for all elected positions. Elected officials were never intended to be long-term. It was a considered a duty to serve- they would do the best they could on behalf of their constituents and then allow someone else the opportunity to serve while they went back to their life.
2. I even go a step further and urge that attendance also be a documented statistic that voters can use in deciding who to vote for. Here's a fun homework assignment: Turn on CNN and count the occupied seats and compare it to the number of unoccupied seats (I'll give you a hint - the number of the former is almost always smaller than the latter). Serving in Congress must be the only "occupation" where you can not show up for work and not worry about being fired.
3. With the implementation of term limits, the pension program would also become obsolete - no more career politicians. You get elected, you serve, you go home. That's it. Speaking of money, the salaries should be voted on by the public. It's our tax money that pays their salary - I think it's more than fair to allow us the ability to decide how much we're willing to spend on their "service".

And the number one point that I drove home? The government works for us, NOT the other way around. We allow them the honor to serve as our representatives - it is an honor that should be EARNED, not given freely. As voters we can revoke that honor just as easily as it was given and we shouldn't be afraid to do so at a moment's notice. The moment they get comfortable is the moment they stop listening.

My rant on governance will have to come to an end for now - although I'm inclined to believe that I'm a bottom-less pit of opinions on the subject. Never-the-less, I will be sure to pick a different hot-button issue for my next post.

Stay tuned...

K8

Mind your own marriage!

Well, this wouldn't be much of a "deb8" blog if I didn't touch on some touchy subjects. I can't seem to get through a day without hearing someone give their two cents about the gay marriage controversy...so I might as well toss in my $1.50...

Everyone is entitled to their opinion on the matter and some people express those opinions better than others, however it was the last sentence of this quote that really caught my attention: "Just give everybody the chance to have the life they want."

I am a firm believer in equality and liberty - I also happen to believe that you can't help who you fall in love with. Love is love and if two consenting adults want to spend the rest of their lives together, then who are we to tell them they can't (or shouldn't)? Two consenting adults are two consenting adults - period. If there's no harm, there's no foul. It's not acceptable to pass judgement on someone else's marriage - each marriage is unique to the persons involved. The opinions of a third party should never be weighted or debated...in other words, mind your own marriage!

If gay marriage is legalized, will it impact you? What do you think banning gay marriage will accomplish? Are you basing your stance on personal views or are you basing it on right and wrong? These are important questions to ask yourself, because that's how you tell if you are fighting for a cause or fighting for your cause.

A lot of people maintain that this will be a slippery-slope for society. Honestly, the only "slippery-slope" I am afraid of is our government's restriction of rights. If they've done it before (interracial marriage) and they can do it now (gay marriage), they can certainly do it later for something else. That's what scares me. What's to stop them from going a bit further? Instead of just requiring you to file a marriage certificate with them to validate your marriage, suppose they require you to file an application for marriage that needed to be approved by the State first? Would that seem right to you? Would you feel that the government is justified in judging your right to marry? I doubt it.

Putting my "big-government-wielding-unchecked-power" fears aside, it simply doesn't make any sense to me that being in a homosexual relationship is legal, but committing to one for life isn't. Logically, it would have to be one way or the other and I think people are starting to see that. Personally, I try to not concern myself with other people's life choices (my own are enough to deal with), but it is important to me that those other people have the freedom to make their choices, just as freely as I do.

So, what is my Jerry Springer-like final thought of the day? Equal rights for all. No exceptions. Just give everyone the chance to have the life they want.

K8

Mental Mothers

In honor of Mother's Day this Sunday, I decided I would highlight a few of the "Mommy-related" headlines that caught my attention...in a negative way:

Clowning Around: For a nominal fee, parents can hire a creepy clown to scare the daylights out of their child during his/her birthday week. After a week of threatening letters, texts, and phone calls, the week-long harassment ultimately results in the clown catching the child off guard in order to smash cake in their face. Happy Birthday!! No harm done, right? Coulrophobia (fear of clowns) is one of the most common phobias in the world. In fact, there was a recent study where it was discovered that most children universally dislike clowns...and those are the "nice" ones! What parent would think paying a menacing clown to taunt their child for a week would ever result in a happy birthday for their child? Can you say therapy?

  



Misfortune Teller: People go to fortune tellers for a variety of reasons, but most people do it purely for entertainment purposes. It was not revealed why Linda Clappison went to see a fortune teller, but we do know that after she returned home, her parenting technique drastically changed. Apparently she promptly locked her children in their rooms, removed their light bulbs, toys, and mattresses before volunteering them into indentured servitude for the local Roma population (Gypsies). This lasted for 6 years before one of her children broke down at school and begged them to not make her go home. The mother's response to the charges? "They're liars." Wow - what a compelling argument! The weird part is that her kids insisted that she was a great mother prior to her mysterious visit with the fortune teller. Things that make you go hmmm...



Diaper Drama: We've all heard stories of the controversial methods that parents have used for punishing poor performance in school, but I think this one tops them all. A mother was recently arrested for shaving her 12 year-old daughter's head, dressing her in a diaper, and making her pick up garbage in the front yard. Why? Poor grades and tardy homework completion. Several neighbors heard the girl crying hysterically and begging to go back inside. Police officers arrested the mother and CPS promptly removed the girl and her siblings from the home. It is a sick, sick mind that can come up with crazy punishments like this. Overreact much?

I don't know about you, but after reading these stories, I am going to give my mother a huge hug and thank her for my childhood that lacked humiliation and torment. It is fairly obvious that good mothers are a minority, so be sure to show your appreciation this weekend if you can! If not, at least say a prayer for the poor souls who are so unfortunate as to be born into nightmares like these...

K8

Pit Bullshit

This is probably the first time in my entire life that I found myself embarrassed calling myself a Marylander.

The highest court in Maryland just ruled that Pit Bulls are "inherently dangerous" and they have adjusted the state law concerning liability accordingly. It used to be that knowledge of the dog's violent tendencies needed to be proven in order for the owner to be held liable, but now it is no longer necessary to prove a particular Pit Bull is dangerous to win a lawsuit - it is only necessary to prove the dog is a Pit Bull.

This angers me for a multitude of reasons. First of all, I think both versions of the law are inappropriate. you shouldn't have to prove knowledge of potentially violent behavior in order to be held liable and it shouldn't matter what kind of dog it is. If you own a dog and that dog injures someone, then you should be held liable....period. It doesn't matter what kind of dog it is or what kind of temperament your dog usually has, you should be held responsible.

What also makes my blood boil is the wording "inherently dangerous". Domesticated dogs are NOT inherently dangerous. If that were true, then dog ownership would have died out hundreds of years ago.
They are animals and sometimes we "superior" human beings forget that. All dogs have the capability to cause bodily harm...ALL dogs. From Chihuahuas to Great Danes - they all have the ability to bite and inflict injuries, the only reason Pit Bulls have been catching a bad rap is because of US.

We are the ones who turn them from this:

To this:

To this:

We do this to them. We create dog fighting rings. We beat them and force them to fight for their lives. We glorify the underground "ballers" who make millions from their suffering. We idolize the "bad ass" image that seems to cause people to want to own these dogs, without raising them properly or even really loving them.

These dogs are banned in Prince George's County. Completely. If you own a Pit Bull, you can be arrested and slapped with a $1,000 fine. Are you kidding me?! That is absurd and completely prejudicial! If my dog (Pit Bull or not) exhibits aggressive behavior or injures someone - the State has the right and responsibility to prosecute me the the full extent of the law, but guilt by association based purely on breed (and not behavior) is an inappropriate approach to protecting the public.

That's what it all comes down to - protecting the public. The State sees a pattern and they're trying to stay ahead of the curve - I get that, but they're going about it the wrong way. Harsher penalties for ALL instances of dog aggression/injuries would cause owners to take a harder look at their pet and possibly seek out help in correcting the behavior. Harsher penalties on dog fighting rings and the abusive dog owners would also stem the flow of aggressive Pit Bulls. Punish the people responsible for the danger, don't just go around punishing people for simply owning a Pit Bull.

Coming from personal experience, it was extremely difficult to find a rental property in Central Maryland who would allow any dogs at all let alone my completely docile and complacent Labrador Retriever. Every apartment I looked at had a posted breed restriction (Pit Bulls were on every list) and a weight limit - which made no sense to me. My dog is a big dog, but he's quieter than all of those incessantly yappy dogs that are always permitted in apartment complexes. You have a large number of people, living in close proximity, with thin walls, and the only dogs you will allow are the little loud ones? If it's not on account of noise, then it must be on account of safety, right? Well in my experience, I've seen more protective, aggressive behavior exhibited in smaller dogs than I have in larger ones!

I'm not saying that the State is wrong in trying to address an issue that is causing injuries and fatalities within our community, but merely that they are focusing on the wrong cause of the issue. I don't own a Pit Bull, so you could say it's none of my business - but even though I'm not directly impacted by any of this, I know when something is wrong and I refuse to ignore it.

You know, it wasn't too long ago when Rottweilers were the most "dangerous" and hated dog breed and for the same reason...human error. It looks like society has found a new breed to crucify and generate baseless fear over and Maryland has found a new scapegoat to take the fall for irresponsible ownership, ignorance, and negligence. Good luck to those on this witch hunt - I don't know how you are able to sleep at night.

K8

Love is in the...pill?

I came across this article today that basically stated that researchers and scientists are currently working on the development of a "love pill" that would simulate the feeling of love for the user.

"Their proposed pill, a combination of five types of drugs, would biologically manipulate the brain into thinking you really, really, want your spouse—enough to put your differences aside."

While the concept is scientifically interesting, I truly find the idea of a "love pill" to be an awful idea overall. I'm sure that in defense, people will reference Viagra in some way, but the correlation would be faulty.

For example, a man with erectile dysfunction (a medical condition that is completely beyond his control) shouldn't be compared to a man who has lost his emotional connection with his partner and seeks chemical assistance in order to make his relationship last. It could be argued that an emotional connection can also be considered a condition beyond one's control, but in reality, the two scenarios have completely different consequences.

Consider this - how would you feel if your partner was taking a pill in order to be able to perform an expression of love for you? Now, what if your partner was taking a pill in order to have an expression of love for you. Totally different, right?

The idea that someone needs to fabricate feelings and emotions in order to be happy with you would inevitably generate a negative response. What if you both need the "love pill" in order to be happy together? People usually interpret that as a sign that perhaps you aren't meant for one another, but that rationale would become completely obsolete. Why on earth would anyone want to stay in a chemically-induced relationship?

I'm sure the intent behind this pill is to save relationships (as we all know the honeymoon ends at some point), but by saving what? Face? Are we too proud to admit when our feelings have changed past the point of no return? Can we not be honest, call a spade a spade, and move on? We only have a certain amount of life to live and I can't imagine someone choosing to waste their precious time trying to keep up appearances.

To top it all off, let's not forget to mention all of the other possible issues that would arise from this type of drug. Can you imagine the headlines? "It's not cheating! I was drugged with the love pill - I couldn't control myself!" "Student with crush at local high school drugs teacher with love pill" "Love pill parties - how they relate to the increase of STDs and teen pregnancy"...the list could easily go on.

Those maybe extreme assumptions, but they're plausible and that's enough icing on the cake for me. Whether you think this pill is a good idea or a bad idea - I'll will take my chances with true love.

K8

There's no place like a home.

Heart-wrenching isn't it? I often come across images like this one that remind me just how fortunate I really am and how much more I could be doing to help others that aren't so lucky.

It's hard for many people to lend a hand to those in need knowing that there are so many people out there that are deceptively milking the system. The harsh reality is that the people begging are just the ones you see, there are far more out there that you don't see. There are people too embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help. They hide from the world and pray for a second chance. Those are the people that need the most help.

I've had numerous debates concerning our welfare system and others like it. Everyone seems to have their own perspective of how well (or not well) they work. I consider myself to be of the mindset that the system is very necessary, but is unfortunately under-monitored and over-used. Anyone can fall on hard times and I firmly believe that there needs to be something there to catch us when we fall. However, it is extremely important that there are more regulations and more monitoring to prevent people from taking advantage of it. Something should be put in place to drive people to get back on their feet - welfare should be a short journey, not a destination.

I inevitably think of my friend (who I will call "B"), whenever I discuss issues of homelessness. My eyes tear up when I think about him wandering the streets with nothing but his delusions to keep him company. He's not on welfare and he's not staying in shelters. He isn't taking advantage of any of the state-sponsored resources, so he's not milking the system. He's just homeless - just lost. I've tried everything I can think of to help him. I have spoken to countless mental health professionals, lawyers, police officers, and shelter staff members about his circumstances. They've all agreed that there is nothing I can do for him - he has to be the one to ask for help. How can he ask for help that he doesn't even know he needs? He has cycled between various jails, hospitals, and mental health centers over the past 5 years and he always ends up back on the street where he started. I've been told that the only way he could get help without asking for it would be if he hurts himself or someone else. It's absolutely devastating to think about that and I worry about getting "that phone call" all the time. Wherever he is, I hope he is okay. I haven't heard from him in over 6 months and that's the longest I've ever gone without hearing from him. It's a daily battle to make peace with the fact that I can't do anything for him except be there for him and encourage him to get help. I really wish there was more I could do.

So today I decided that while I may be powerless to help "B", that doesn't make me powerless to help others like him. I contacted a local shelter and asked them if I can be of service. I'm anxiously awaiting their reply...

K8

Heart Attack Happy Meal?

Meet the Triple Bypass Burger of the infamous "Heart Attack Grill" in Las Vegas, Nevada.

For those of you that may be salivating, this colossal burger weighs in at over 8,000 calories, which is 4 times your daily caloric ceiling. The artery-clogging fare doesn't end there, in fact, this beast has a big brother - the Quadruple Bypass Burger. This restaurant prides itself on its unhealthy food and even offers it for free to anyone who weighs over 350 lbs! (There is a scale on site to determine who qualifies, so tough luck if you weigh-in at a mere 345 lbs...)

The waitresses are dressed as sexy nurses and the customers are referred to as "patients". There is a real, on-call ambulance permanently parked outside of the establishment and there have been a number of documented incidents where the ambulance has needed to come to the aid of a "patient". The danger is real and they don't deny it. There are signs all over the restaurant that reference severe risk to your health and the possibility of death - and this place turns a profit every year.              *Insert slow sarcastic clap here*

This is why people all over the world make fun of Americans. Not only do we have an obscene obesity epidemic, but we seem to glorify it. Starvation is a real global issue that many nations struggle to alleviate, and here we are with a restaurant that not only serves up enough food to bust your gut in one sitting, but the food is so unhealthy that it could kill you! I can honestly appreciate the entrepreneurial spirit of wanting to offer people something different in a restaurant and I'm sure the owner of this restaurant worked very hard to do just that. But at what cost? Businesses should want to add value to their communities, not pounds and hospital trips.

Unfortunately, the blame for the success of this unethical eatery is entirely placed on the consumers. This place wouldn't have seen the end of its first fiscal year had it not been for the brainless masses who choose to pay homage to this toxic establishment. So once again, here is prime example of us doing damage to ourselves at our own expense - when will we ever learn?

Check please!

K8